the beauty of life

This week, the official beginning of Fall, I have felt the pace of my life slow right down, which is very welcome. Summer was frenetic all the way to last week and I was starting to feel concerned that perhaps this is what an adult life felt like. That this pace was the reason people feel stress and tension in their lives. I was in the thick of it and it didn't feel normal nor anything I wanted to sustain. But a peacefulness has gently covered this feeling with a long, light, white cotton fabric that allows me to sit more still and take in myself and my thoughts with more ease.

The ferry line up has been shortened substantially by the disappearance of summer only residents and it feels as though the rest of us have the island back to normal, back to ourselves. However this feeling is just a dream now b/c the dump trucks that consume the island gravel roads have stayed and aren't leaving any time soon. You will remember in early summer I was going through an emotional upheaval over the wind turbines that will soon enough be erected here. Since that time I have gone inward with my feelings. I no longer talk about it with anyone. I gave much of my energy and time with a group of concerned individuals (WIRE) to make this project safe and equal for everyone in our community, especially the wetlands and wild life, and although we slowed the process, it feels as though we have hardly made a dent.
Last weekend we drove through Lowville, NY on our way to Boston which has wind turbines that I have seen before. Without warning, the floodgates opened and some of the emotions I've kept under wraps emerged when I realized only too soon would our natural landscape be forever altered by spinning saucers on the horizon. They just kept coming and coming at us with every hill we descended. I felt invaded and had to shield my view as much as I could to keep from feeling nauseous.

When we returned home we had to discuss the possibility of moving off the island. We have no idea where we would go nor where we want to go. This has been our home for 13 years and there isn't anywhere else we want to be. But the fact remains that it just may be something we can't live under. That more than 86 of the largest wind turbines within a 6km radius, some of which will be close to our own backyard, is not how we choose to live in the country. And if and when we do move, it will be a quiet one b/c at some point you stop fighting, you internalize your feelings, and accept what's to be with a quiet sadness.